It’s true: we are hurt in relationship AND —

We heal in relationship [for the most part, there are definitely caveats and it’s also not this simple without awareness and guidance and this does not condone staying in or sticking with abusive or toxic relationships].

And this is ALL kinds of relationships. What exactly are we “doing” here as human “beings” if not being here to relate?

This is what happens with and for my clients in my coaching practice.

The quality of the relationship.

The quality of all of our relationships truly stem from the relationship with the self. A past version of me despised to hear this, to know this, because I wanted to just blame others. And while “the other” does and can affect us, it is how we respond to the other, and to ourselves, which will dictate how we move throughout this world.

How is your relationship with yourself at this exact moment? A quick check in, in three words, without judgement.

And also, are you being truly honest with yourself with those three words? and also, blind spots. we often have blind spots and do not see certain things without the help of another. but then also, it can be incredibly painful to see those blind spots depending on how that information is delivered, and whether we are willing to be open to it or not.

The real relationship has to be developed with one’s self. This happens through many ways of bringing you into relationship with yourself. This happens through practicing awareness and remembering your state of consciousness.

Connecting with your in-the-present-selves.
Focusing on nervous system regulation and emotional regulation.
Having one’s needs met [to certain extents]. Recognizing when they’re not.
Unbearable self-compassion [for you, by you]. Highlight unbearable.
Recognizing triggers [this is a big one in and of itself. Imagine you spent a whole day recognizing when you were triggered and why and how you reacted. And just noticing it and recognizing it, not judging yourself for it. “Oh, isn’t that interesting” brings awareness to something, so in the future when you notice it, perhaps you can respond differently. This is what I consider to be part of “the work.” Again, this often cannot just be done alone or by ourselves].
Not having a secure, healthy attachment.
Knowing how we attach and why.
Our experience with loss and pain.
And grief. The things of which we have grieved and perhaps still have grief about and are in the waves of grief.

These days i am realizing, a lot of my pain comes from all the love I have to give and no where secure to place it.

Within the relationship with myself, I have realized this is my [current] biggest life’s problem.

The love i have to give goes to myself, my dog, my relationships, my work, my communities, my clients, this planet.

When the rug is pulled out from under, sometimes I wish i had that “one,” the proverbial “other,” the “other half” of us [a myth] that we unconsciously search for since the separation with our mother.

But, I am asking myself, maybe it isn’t *just* or *only* about “secure” love and relationship with “one other.” Maybe the place I can create and foster the love is within me and let it pool outwards, despite not having that secure place in any certain other for any certain amount of time, length, or depth.

Things I’m thinking about // considering // wondering in between the hustling of living in a very busy and expensive, pressure cooker city right now.

In case you needed it…

Love, Casey-Jo

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